


So Much More Than A Professor

by DBR_Augary



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bulimia, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Hurt Draco Malfoy, Hurt Severus Snape, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28589730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBR_Augary/pseuds/DBR_Augary
Summary: Severus Snape knew since Draco arrived that something was wrong. It’s only in his fifth year that Snape asks Draco what’s wrong. And the story’s he tells aren’t what he expected.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy/Corban Yaxley, Lucius Malfoy & Corban Yaxley, Severus Snape & Tobias Snape
Kudos: 50





	So Much More Than A Professor

After classes ended, Severus Snape asked Draco to meet in his office. He knew something wasn’t right with the boy. He’d had a feeling that there was something more to him since his first year at Hogwarts, but he’d never been sure.

Draco sat across from him, his usual snarky wall built up high. His eyes never matched how he acted. They always held some opposing emotion, as though he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t. And maybe he was.

”You wanted to see me?” Draco enquired.

”I did,” Severus softened, “I wanted you to tell me why you pretend you’re something you aren’t.”

Draco tensed, “I-I don’t understand, Professor?”

”Yes you do,” Severus knitted his brows together, “Why do you do it? Insulting people, that’s not you. I can see it in your eyes.”

Draco scoffed, “Do you want to know why I do it? I do it because the Weasley’s are poor, Granger’s a mudblood, Longbottom’s fat and useless, Lovegood’s weird, Potter’s family don’t want him and I’m a terrible person.”

”It hurt you to say that,” Severus knew the look in his eyes all too well, “It hurt you to say that because you wish you were that.”

Draco went silent.

Severus sighed, “Draco, what happened to make you want that?”

Draco smiled slightly, “I’m wealthy, a pureblood and from a respectable family,” Draco listed, “What on Earth could make someone with that life want a different one? Well I’ll tell you something that they have that I don’t. A family, that loves them unconditionally. It may or may not be their own but they’ve got that. They can smile, and not worry if it looks genuine.”

”I don’t understand?” Severus said in a questioning tone.

”No,” Draco whispered, “No one does.”

Draco wiped his eyes when he realised a tear had fallen.

”You know, one of my earliest memories is trying to draw something,” Draco explained, “I was maybe five, but I was so proud of what I had achieved that I showed my parents right away. The next day I found it in the bin.”

_Draco had scribbled an attempt at drawing the family owl onto a piece of paper. To him, it looked just like it. He got up right away to show his parents what he had accomplished and raced into the study._

_He saw his Dad sitting at the desk with a quill in his hands.  
_

_“Daddy, look what I drew!” Draco squealed excitedly._

_Lucius got up and took the paper, an unamused expression on his face._

_”What is this supposed to be?” He asked, “A bundle of colours?”_

_”No it’s the owl,” Draco said, “Do you like it?”_

_Lucius cringed, “Right well, I have work to do.”_

_”Okay!” Draco went to leave, “Love you Daddy!”_

_”Okay!”_

_The next day Draco went into the office to look for his stuffed dragon when he saw his owl in the bin. All of his effort just thrown in with the rest of the rubbish like it didn’t matter._

”When I was six, my father invited a bunch of work enemies over,” Draco continued, “He put poison in the birthday cake so that they’d eat it and die. But he conveniently forgot that it’s customary for the birthday boy or girl to get the first slice. After we left the hospital, he got pissed at me for ruining his plan.”

_Draco had just finished opening all of his gifts and it was time for cake. The beautiful layered cake was brought out and everyone salivated. Pansy was convinced that Draco’s eyes literally sparkled at the sight._

_He blew out his candles and made his wish before Narcissa gave him the first slice. He took a few bites before beginning to cough. It hadn’t gone down the wrong pipe so he was confused. He couldn’t stand up and a weird liquid came out of his mouth. Then everything went black._

_When he regained consciousness he was in St. Mungos. The mediwitch settled his vitals before allowing him to be brought home. Once he was, he got yelled at._

_”Merlin, you ruined everything!” Lucius exclaimed._

_”What...?” Draco couldn’t understand._

_”Sandwick and Ellington were supposed to get poisoned!” Lucius shouted, “Not you!”_

_”I - I’m sorry...” Draco began to tear up._

_”Whatever!” Lucius turned around, “Just - Go to your room!”_

_Draco looked down and did as he was told._

_”Goodnight,” he said, “I love you Dad.”_

_”Whatever,” Lucius brushed it off and left._

_The whole trek up to his room, Draco could hear Lucius knocking things over in anger. And with all the noise, he couldn’t get to sleep as fast._

”And you’d think it wouldn’t get much worse for a privileged boy but it does,” Draco sniffled and blinked back his tears, “I was robbed of my first kiss too. There was no choice in what happened that night. Sometimes I can still feel his hands on me. I can still hear the deal being made.”

_A nine year old Draco Malfoy sat in the lounge as his Lucius had a conversation with Corban Yaxley in the study. The door was open and he couldn’t help but listen in. He was curious._

_”I’m sorry Lucius,” Yaxley said, “But for these artefacts you’ll have to pay a lot more than that.”_

_”But I don’t have that kind of money to invest,” Lucius explained._

_Yaxley sighed, “I suppose we could strike a deal if you’re desperate?”_

_”I’m listening,” Lucius replied._

_”I noticed your son,” Draco could hear the sly smile on his face._

_”Draco?” Lucius responded, “What about him?”_

_”He’s rather lovely to look at,” Yaxley explained, “I’d like to see more. Touch more. If you understand what I’m saying?”_

_Draco knew what he meant and he didn’t like the sound of it._

_”You mean to say,” Lucius replied, “that if I give you the money I have and a night with my son, you’ll give me the artefacts?”_

_”Yes,” Yaxley answered non-chalantly, “Do we have a deal?”_

_There was a pause and Draco almost let out a sigh of relief until he heard the clanking of coins._

_”Deal.”_

”At first I figured he was pulling something on his friend,” Draco confessed, “but it was a very real deal. Sure, it left scars, both mental and physical, but father got his artefacts. Like his hobby mattered more than his son.”

_Draco hid out in his room, hoping Yaxley would have to go home before he had a chance to get his hands on Draco. He read books cover to cover. And eventually, dozed off on his bed._

_He woke up to hear his door slam and saw Yaxley standing at the foot of his bed. He froze. Draco couldn’t move or make any sound no matter how badly he wanted to. Even as Yaxley sat down next to him and caressed his cheek he couldn’t move._

_”You’re a lot cuter up close,” this time, Draco could see the sly smile form on his lips. Lips that soon crashed into his own. Lips that stole his first kiss. A memory that was supposed to be special. But even still, he didn’t move._

_Yaxley undressed the both of them and made sure there wasn’t a single centimetre that he hadn’t touched. As Yaxley became more needy he moved to Draco’s neck and the movement of his hands was so aggressive it left bruises and Draco winced. But even then, he didn’t move._

_Yaxley went for it and jostled Draco around as he moved. Draco yelped out in pain several times and as it continued, Yaxley left behind more bruises and bites, even scratching him. Tears streamed down Draco’s cheeks and Yaxley’s sweat covered Draco’s torso. But even after all of that, he didn’t move._

_Yaxley left and he didn’t move. It hurt to move. Draco couldn’t register what had happened, and it was only when he woke up to see his naked state, bruised body and blood stained sheets - along with some of Yaxley’s liquids that he would prefer not to talk about - that it properly registered in his mind.  
_

_He had a bath and scrubbed to get every trace off. He was filthy, disgusting and soiled. And even though he hadn’t wanted or asked for it, he refused to call it rape. Because he didn’t move._

”I can remember refusing to go home for second year Christmas holidays because of what happened the year prior. I can remember gaining two and a half kilograms after spending a few months here and getting shamed for it. I don’t get much food at home because no woman would want a fat fuck. And if I was just going to pig out here why eat decent meals at home?”

_”You’ve gained weight,” Lucius pointed out._

_”I’m growing father,” Draco explained, “Growing people weigh more.”_

_”Please, no self respecting woman would ever look twice at an overweight loser,” Lucius said, “Vomit everything up.”_

_”What?” Draco asked._

_”You heard me,” Lucius said, “I followed these rules and look where I ended up. Don’t you want that life?”_

_No, “Of course,” Draco replied, “I’ll be in the bathroom. Vomiting...”_

_Lucius scrunched his nose but nodded. And that’s what Draco did. And what he continued to do. Muggles had a term for it. Bulimia?_

”So no,” Draco snuffled and wiped his eyes again, “I don’t expect you to understand but I am the kind of person who insults others. Because if I’m not that then I’m nothing and I don’t want to go unnoticed here too.”

Draco’s voice came out strained as a lump formed in his throat and he choked down more sobs.

”I hurt people and make people miserable because that’s all I know,” Draco explained, “What you see in my eyes is knowledge. Knowledge that there is no possible way they could ever hate me more than I hate myself.”

”Draco,” Severus said softly, “it may surprise you but I do understand.”

Draco looked up.

”When I was young, my parents were constantly fighting,” Severus explained, “My dad was an alcoholic and used to hit my mum. One day, when it got really bad, I ran away and met a really nice person. She was the only thing that provided me with joy. Instead of being at home I spent most of my time with her.

”When we arrived at Hogwarts we were sorted into different houses. Gryffindor and Slytherin. One of her housemates developed feelings for her and started bullying me as an excuse to be near her, or impress her. Hogwarts wasn’t safe either and no one believed me when I said I was getting bullied.

”After my mum killed herself I spiralled downwards. Shut everyone out and became this cold shell of a person. My friend accidentally let slip to my bullies about what my mum did and they harassed me for it.

“I was so angry with her, but I held it in because she was all I had left. Eventually everything came out and I said something I regretted. She wouldn’t listen to my explanation and I lost everything. I hated myself for it, and my dad started hitting me because he couldn’t hit my mum.

”I fell into a very dark place and tried to end my own life. But I made it through everything. And I know you feel alone, and that there’s nowhere and no one to turn to, but you can always come to me.”

Draco broke down into tears and started sobbing hysterically into his hands. Severus went over and sat next to him. Draco lent onto the Professor and balled his eyes out. Severus pulled him in and held him tight, as though protecting him from harm. 

Severus Snape was so much more than a Professor to Draco. He was a mentor, a father figure, and a light in the darkness of his life. He lost so much more than a Professor when Severus Snape died. But he hoped that Severus’ guidance taught him more than his fathers ridicule. He was a better parent because of Severus.

And he hoped to teach others that it was okay to feel hurt or upset. Because it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Just know that your feelings are valid and that it is okay to feel hurt, upset or hollow. Because you can make it out alive. I know you logically know you aren’t alone, and I know it doesn’t feel that way, but seeking help does a world of good.


End file.
